I am in so much pain :(

My whole body is frustrating me, I have this stimulator and I don't know how to use it. I wish for once my body would give me one break, it gets very annoying always having this pain and spasm. My body drains me out, I miss having a boyfriend who could take my mind off my spasms and pain. When I go to church the pain and spasms ease up, the music relaxes me the services are good too. When I first went to the born again church 4 years ago I wasn't use to the music I was use to the slow music. I know everyone at Messiah Lutheran Church they want me back there, when I went there for the Christmas service I was so bored. My nephew Jeffery he said "we need to go to that boring church?" I laughed. The last two days I've been taking an hour and half naps, my body drains me out having 3 disabilities in one body that's enough for one person. I am a strong person, I learned it from my dad he taught me allot. I hate at night when I am relaxed and the phone rings it makes me jump so I keep my door shut. I always keep my phone on vibrate or off all sounds after 9, loud noises make me have more spasms. I know this week Steph will say "we need to go out" she doesn't like sitting around in my house but I don't like going out allot I need a calmer pca who likes the library such as Beth I don't mind volunteering but going shopping isn't my thing.

I tried going to church but my body was spasming, tomorrow I need to call the botox doctor. This morning when my mom was getting me out of bed I could tell her back was hurting. If she used the hoyer lift her back wouldn't hurt.

Tomorrow I am calling the botox doctor and my dds worker. I want a volunteer job I know my mom would want me to work at market basket but I would get bored doing that. I need the botox my body is always spasming and its getting stressful, today at church the pastors wife and my friend Tanya had to remind me to stay calm. I had to leave early I was in so much pain the botox does help me even though it hurts but my spasms get better they don't go away totally but they ease up. I wish my mom would use the hoyer lift Steph told me that she'll never transfer me the other way, when I get a new pca I will need to have Mary the pt come show her how to use it. I want to volunteer and do something convent when I helped at the arc I felt needed, around here the everyone has a life. Lacy misses me though she is too cute, she always needs to watch Steph and my mom get me in bed and out of bed. I need to bring her to see Mary before Easter, I will have Steph a good picture of Lacy and I and then I will have Lacy bring it to Mary herself. They love each other we can't say her name because Lacy knows it. She's a small dog but God made a smart dog.

Last night I asked my mom to wash my face and she said "you can use two face clothes" I know that she wants me to keep my Independence. I told her once "I am going to have Steph go to market basket for me" and she said "why can't you go?" I know if my dad was here he would have asked me the same question. My mom and Steph tell me if I can't reach something in a store then I can ask but if I can reach it then I need to get it myself. When I volunteered at the arc Alycia would ask me "can you open this for me?" and I said "you can do it yourself". I am pretty outgoing even though I am this disabled and I stick up for myself, I won't go sit in a day program but I don't mind helping in one. It's sad to see that people think that just because our legs they don't work that our brains they don't work. When I was at FHS and they put me in the life skills program I didn't learn anything that year, Dawn and I were talking and she said "if you would have stayed at MHS you wouldn't be in the power chair all the time". MHS they focused more on our bodies but they taught us too, but in my freshman year they put reading before pt and I wouldn't stop reading. My ex boyfriend was in that class and one day my dad came to MHS and he said "is the guy you like" my face turned so red. Dave and I really don't talk, I really don't talk to anyone from MHS. When I go to barns and noble I see my friend Shawn and Dave there who got my diploma for me and allot of other friends did too. Shawn works there and Dave goes to see him and when Dave sees me he always gives me a hug and I told him that I am getting a new chair and he said "the whole town needs warning about you, because you'll run them over". When I go to market basket I always buy the little drink packets that I can fill my bottles with, and I buy food that I can put in the microwave. I am so glad my parents sent me to MHS, I wish my mom would have told them that they couldn't take me out of there. Suvi was there and she was in the cool group where they drank every weekend, even to this day she really doesn't do much with me. Oh well it's her loss and my friend Kayley told me that one day Suvi will regret not doing anything with me. 

Overcome
Jeremy Camp

Seated above
Enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die 
Poured out for all mankind
God's only Son
Perfect and spotless One
He never sinned 
But suffered as if He did

All authority, every victory is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours

(Chorus)
Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise
You overcame
Jesus awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name
You overcame

Power in hand 
Speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out
Light in this broken land

All authority, every victory is Yours
All authority, every victory is Yours

Chorus

We will overcome 
By the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony
Everyone overcome
(X3)