Lacy is so cute, last night when I was getting ready for bed she had to watch my mom get me in bed. I love her so much, who ever dropped her off 7 years ago is a huge blessing in my life. Every night I pray with her and when I say "in Jesus name" she goes nuts she knows who made her. It's amazing how she knows words, I can't say the word Mary she goes nuts. Mary and Lacy are so cute together when we go down that street Lacy goes nuts. Mary loves Lacy as much as I do, when I leave or come home she gets so excited to see me. Four years ago when the doctors told me it wasn't possible to get off my anti depressants I went home and said "Lacy and God do your work again" this summer will be 4 years that I've been off them and I will never use them again. Lacy and God are better anti depressants than mans anti depressants, I am so glad my dad taught me to pray, I remember at MHS when he would leave he would pray with me. I pray every night with Lacy or myself, I am glad that God used Lacy to get me off my anti depressants and to accept my colostomy. When Chris and I were dating he always wanted me to bring Lacy with me, last August when I went to visit him Lacy came with me and he ignored both of us. I still wonder what got into him, he loved Lacy he use to have a picture of Lacy and him on his facebook but after I went to visit him he deleted the picture.
Steph texted me and said "on my way" she's so focused on Chad and the wedding and not on me. When she's leaving from here she's calling her cousin Jamie Chad gets out of work at 2 and they text, it puts me in a weird position I've been more quiet I don't have anything in common with her. Beth the girl who I am going to hire next she likes to read, and go places.
I went out with Steph and we picked up her mom and her mom freaks out in the van and Steph and I were laughing at her. She went into her bank and we hid around the corner and her mom didn't see us right away, it was funny even though her mom didn't think so we thought it was funny though.One thing that Steph and I have in common is that our moms freak out so quickly. My mom worries a little to much when I go to church she freaks out and says "what if you get hit?", last year on Mothers day Bret and Maiju were saying how I need to be careful when I am going places but God is always with me. I think God chose me to be disabled because he knew that I wouldn't be afraid to go places myself. I know what to look out for and I can't always have someone with me I am 29, yes it would be nice if my mom interacted with me more. Tomorrow I am going to have Steph change my room around because I am in it so much that I get bored. My mom sits in the living room and watches her shows but she really doesn't have the patience to talk with me because of my speech. I asked her why doesn't she use the hoyer lift and she said "it's easier to put you in bed the way I do" but I think that she wants to go upstairs with Jorma quickly.
On Wednesday Steph is going to come in later and we're going to have some fun with Lauren our friend. We aren't going to take my wheelchair I am going to get in Steph's car. I told my mom and she didn't like it, my van needs to be fixed and my mom said "you'll need to stay here yourself". Steph was going to sleep over but my mom wouldn't like that because then Jorma can't walk around in his boxers. Today when I was telling Steph's mom when Jorma came back on Thursday my mom and him took showers and her mom said "they were going to have some fun". I can't always stay in the house, what if I get a boyfriend and he wants to take me out at night my mom won't like that. I never know when God could call me home if I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be stuck here at nights I would probably be drinking and going to parties every night. It gets annoying how I can't have sleepovers because of Jorma, when Siira worked with me she was allowed to sleep over. I really wish my mom wouldn't have let Jorma back here, when he was gone my door could be open at nights and now it can't. I was telling Pam that they don't want to get married because they'll lose their ssi money, its not easy being me. I wish I had a rewind button to last week when Jorma was gone everything was so peaceful and now theres allot of tension. Jorma needs Jesus he goes to church but I don't think he believes in God. He always needs my mom to be with him all the time I am 29 years old and I can go places myself. I know my family wouldn't trust me living on my own because they still think I tried to kill myself. I miss my apartment, and finding a roommate that wouldn't be easy because I am on so many medications that they could get stolen. I am hoping that I can meet with my therapist that I meet with once a week and I hope Ann my dds worker can be there too I want to ask Ann if she knows of how long the shared living list is, I am burnt out living here. It was fine when Jorma was gone and I thought he was gone for good but my mom felt bad that he needed to live in Mary's basement as I've said before she has a week soul and its a shame that she let him move back in.
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Matthew West
Steph texted me and said "on my way" she's so focused on Chad and the wedding and not on me. When she's leaving from here she's calling her cousin Jamie Chad gets out of work at 2 and they text, it puts me in a weird position I've been more quiet I don't have anything in common with her. Beth the girl who I am going to hire next she likes to read, and go places.
I went out with Steph and we picked up her mom and her mom freaks out in the van and Steph and I were laughing at her. She went into her bank and we hid around the corner and her mom didn't see us right away, it was funny even though her mom didn't think so we thought it was funny though.One thing that Steph and I have in common is that our moms freak out so quickly. My mom worries a little to much when I go to church she freaks out and says "what if you get hit?", last year on Mothers day Bret and Maiju were saying how I need to be careful when I am going places but God is always with me. I think God chose me to be disabled because he knew that I wouldn't be afraid to go places myself. I know what to look out for and I can't always have someone with me I am 29, yes it would be nice if my mom interacted with me more. Tomorrow I am going to have Steph change my room around because I am in it so much that I get bored. My mom sits in the living room and watches her shows but she really doesn't have the patience to talk with me because of my speech. I asked her why doesn't she use the hoyer lift and she said "it's easier to put you in bed the way I do" but I think that she wants to go upstairs with Jorma quickly.
On Wednesday Steph is going to come in later and we're going to have some fun with Lauren our friend. We aren't going to take my wheelchair I am going to get in Steph's car. I told my mom and she didn't like it, my van needs to be fixed and my mom said "you'll need to stay here yourself". Steph was going to sleep over but my mom wouldn't like that because then Jorma can't walk around in his boxers. Today when I was telling Steph's mom when Jorma came back on Thursday my mom and him took showers and her mom said "they were going to have some fun". I can't always stay in the house, what if I get a boyfriend and he wants to take me out at night my mom won't like that. I never know when God could call me home if I wasn't disabled I wouldn't be stuck here at nights I would probably be drinking and going to parties every night. It gets annoying how I can't have sleepovers because of Jorma, when Siira worked with me she was allowed to sleep over. I really wish my mom wouldn't have let Jorma back here, when he was gone my door could be open at nights and now it can't. I was telling Pam that they don't want to get married because they'll lose their ssi money, its not easy being me. I wish I had a rewind button to last week when Jorma was gone everything was so peaceful and now theres allot of tension. Jorma needs Jesus he goes to church but I don't think he believes in God. He always needs my mom to be with him all the time I am 29 years old and I can go places myself. I know my family wouldn't trust me living on my own because they still think I tried to kill myself. I miss my apartment, and finding a roommate that wouldn't be easy because I am on so many medications that they could get stolen. I am hoping that I can meet with my therapist that I meet with once a week and I hope Ann my dds worker can be there too I want to ask Ann if she knows of how long the shared living list is, I am burnt out living here. It was fine when Jorma was gone and I thought he was gone for good but my mom felt bad that he needed to live in Mary's basement as I've said before she has a week soul and its a shame that she let him move back in.
More
Matthew West
Take a look at the mountain
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of me
Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am
And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look round you
I'm spelling it out one by one
CHORUS:
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love your more
Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to me
And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone
Repeat Chorus
I love you more, yeah
Shine for me
Shine for me
Shine, you shine, you shine for me
Repeat Chorus
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today through the joy and the pain,
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more
I see you, and I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of me
Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am
And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look round you
I'm spelling it out one by one
CHORUS:
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today and tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love your more
Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to me
And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone
Repeat Chorus
I love you more, yeah
Shine for me
Shine for me
Shine, you shine, you shine for me
Repeat Chorus
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today through the joy and the pain,
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more
I see you, and I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me
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